We have heard of the term “sandwich generation” but what does that mean? Statistics show that 47% of Americans have parents who are 65 and over and still have children at home. You start to notice your parents are struggling to maintain their home and are struggling with memory issues. You want them to have the best life because that’s what they gave you and you would do everything you can to support them. However, you have your kids, a full-time job, bills to pay, and you aren’t sure how you can help them or even how to identify what kind of help they need.
How do you tell if your parents need extra help?
The best way to know what your parents need is to ask them directly. But a phone call, email, or text message is not always the best way to tell whether a parent needs help. These signs may indicate that someone needs extra support:
Changes at home. When you spend time at the parent’s home, you might notice possible trouble spots. Some examples include:
- Can they prepare meals on a stove safely?
- Are they bathing regularly and wearing appropriate clothing for the weather?
- Is the home relatively clean and free of clutter?
- Do they have the medications they need, and are they taking them regularly?
Mental health concerns. Changes in a parent’s mood could indicate a need for help. Sometimes depression in older people is confused with normal aging. An older person with depression might brighten up for a phone call or short visit, but it’s harder to hide serious mood problems during an extended visit.
Other health concerns. Signs related to the person’s general health that can raise concerns include:
- Significant weight gain or weight loss
- Poor hygiene
- Confusion
- Falls
- Loneliness or social isolation
- Trouble walking or getting around
Memory issues. Occasional forgetfulness is a normal part of aging. But more significant memory problems, changes in thinking ability or personality, or poor decision-making could indicate a serious condition that requires medical attention.
What to do when your parents need help?
When you notice signs that your aging parents need help it is important to know what steps to take next. Some issues have a simple fix, like needing a new glasses prescription. But other times, you may need to provide more support.
Your first step may be to talk to the parents about your concerns. Mention your worry without sounding critical, such as, “Mom, it looks like you don’t have much food in the house. Are you having trouble getting to the store?”
Then try to fulfill the person’s wishes to the extent possible. For example, if they want to keep cooking at home, you could ask, “Would you like me to arrange to have groceries delivered on a regular basis?” Try to include practical help with your suggestions and give specific examples of what can be done.
If you’re concerned about the person’s physical or mental health, suggest a visit to a health care provider. You might offer to make the appointment, give them a ride or go with them to see the doctor.
You don’t have to do everything yourself. In many communities a variety of services are available to help older people. Depending on the person’s needs, you might hire a home health aide to visit on a regular basis, arrange transportation so the person can run errands, or speak with a geriatric care manager to help coordinate care. You can also find ways to share caregiving responsibilities with other family members, neighbors, or friends.