Look for Health Changes You Can See, Hear and Read from a Distance
Often our careers and the needs of our immediate families means we become long-distance caregivers and spend less time with our aging relatives. Fortunately, with technology, living far away from an aging loved one doesn't have to stop you from ensuring their health, happiness, and safety.
Many families only see each other in person a few times a year, and most usually during the holidays or special events. Health declines that have developed over time can appear at any time. However, even when you can't get together in person regularly, you can still keep an eye on your loved one's health by learning what to watch for and listen for when you communicate virtually.
Changes You Can See
Picture messages and selfies via texting or social media are accessible for many aging adults. To communicate, the more technologically savvy seniors will use video calling on their smartphones, such as FaceTime, Skype, or Facebook video calling. Family members can use these virtual meetings to look at their loved one's appearance. Certain health conditions can cause physical symptoms that are easy to miss if you're not looking for them. In particular, watch for changes in:
- Expression: Does Dad seem disengaged, emotionless, or tired?
- Hygiene: Does Mom look clean and tidy like usual or unkempt?
- Mobility: Does your loved one have trouble moving or standing during the conversation?
If you can, also try to get a glimpse at their surroundings to gauge how well they're keeping up with household chores. This is important to ensure their home environment is hygienic and free of safety hazards, such as exposed cords, rugs, or a cluttered floor.
Changes You Can Hear (or Read)
Listen to your loved one's voice. Do they seem calm and comfortable, or stressed and uneasy? Is there a quiver in their voice? Are they stuttering, slurring, or stopping to clear their throat more than usual? These can be signs of emotional or respiratory conditions that a doctor needs to check.
Also, think about the structure of your conversations. Does your loved one repeat the same question over and over or forget that they've discussed a topic with you a few times before? While all of us are forgetful sometimes, frequent memory issues could be a sign of early-stage dementia, depression, or medication side effects.
Talking About Your Concerns:
While we want to make sure our loved ones are safe, it's important to be mindful of their feelings. Conversations with the best intentions can make a senior feel defensive about their capabilities and independence. Often, seniors don't want to burden their loved ones and try to tough out situations to avoid asking for help.
Try framing your conversation with questions. Some questions you could ask are:
- How are things going with your health?
- Have you been able to winterize your home?
- We're working on our gutters. How are you doing with that, Mom?
Be patient if your loved one dodges the question or insists everything is fine. You could say something such as, "I know you've been meaning to get a few projects tackled around the house, Mom. Could I call someone to help you get them done?" If your loved one refuses your help, make a mental note to check up again soon. Remember, many older adults do just fine on their own or with minimal support, and many are fiercely independent. When you offer assistance, consider sharing how happy you feel when you get to help.
Staying in touch regularly and knowing what to listen to and look for can help you stay on top of your loved one's condition and remind them that you love and care about them.
Related reading: Let's talk home care: Tips to start the conversation, address concerns
Source: Sharon Roth Maguire, MS, RN, GNP-BC https://www.brightstarcare.com/resources/caregiving/tips-long-distance-caregiver
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