The death of a spouse is an extremely challenging life event for anyone. Beyond the immediate impact of acute grief(Opens in a new window), losing a spouse comes with several legal and financial tasks to handle. Understanding what to do when a spouse dies, before you’re faced with that reality, can ease the transition during a difficult time.
This checklist will help you keep track of immediate action items, with specific details for each task listed below.
What to Do When a Spouse Dies Checklist
- Notify Necessary Parties
- Secure Important Documents
- Contact a Funeral Home
- Choose a Service Type
- Write an Obituary
- Host a Reception
- Consult a Financial Advisor and Estate Attorney
- Order Death Certificates
- File a Probate Case
- Address Assets and Liabilities
- Update Your Estate Documents
- Manage Joint Accounts and Finances
- Contact Social Security Office
Immediate Practical Steps
The shock of losing your spouse can make it hard to cope. Asking your support system for help can make it easier to prioritize and complete important and time-sensitive tasks. Consider which tasks are urgent versus tasks that can be handled after a week, month or later.
Notify Necessary Parties
Let the people in your inner circle know about the death right away. If you have a large circle of family and friends, consider asking them to help you spread the word so the burden doesn’t fall solely on you.
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If your spouse had a job, reach out to their manager directly or get in touch with the HR department if you're not sure who to contact about their passing.
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While funeral homes usually let the Social Security Administration know about a death, it's a good idea to confirm this. You can call the administration at 800-772-1213 or visit a local Social Security office(Opens in a new window).
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Contact your financial advisor and attorney as well. They can help you navigate the various legal and financial to-dos.
Secure Important Documents
To ensure you’re ready to handle certain necessary tasks, you'll need to find and keep the following documents and information nearby:
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Your spouse's will
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Life insurance documents
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Financial statements
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Social Security number
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Military records, if applicable
If not readily available, you may need to contact your lawyer, bank, and insurers for this information.
Making Funeral Arrangements
Once you've announced your loss, it's time to start making funeral arrangements. If you know your spouse's wishes, this process will be fairly straightforward. However, if you're unsure, consider asking close friends or family to help you make big decisions.
Contact a Funeral Home
A funeral home will guide you through the process of planning a service to honor your spouse. They'll also handle the burial or cremation details.
Choose a Service Type
While it’s crucial to make some decisions in the first few days after a death, such as whether your loved one will be buried or cremated, it’s okay to take more time with other arrangements. For example, when and where to hold a memorial service must be decided within the first week, but the memorial service itself can be held at a later date. Some families choose to hold the memorial service weeks or months after a death to allow themselves time to grieve and handle other tasks associated with the loss. Regardless of your timeline, be sure to let your friends and family know about the services once you’ve made plans.
Write an Obituary
You may want to write an obituary for your spouse, but if you’re finding it too difficult, consider reaching out for help from an eloquent friend or family member — ideally select someone who knew your spouse well. Funeral homes may also include obituary writing in their service package. If you’re planning to hold a public funeral service, the obituary should note when and where it will take place and any other important details.
Host a Reception
While not required, it’s customary to hold a reception after a funeral or memorial service. It’s a chance for you and other mourners to gather in a less formal setting to offer comfort, share memories and celebrate the life of a loved one together. If you feel up to it, you may choose to host this gathering at your home. If not, many churches or funeral homes may be able to handle these arrangements for you as part of a service package.
Addressing Legal and Financial Matters
After you've finished making funeral arrangements, start sorting out legal and financial matters. Either you or someone else will have been named as the executor of your spouse's estate. The executor is the person responsible for the tasks listed here, including initiating probate, handling assets, and closing accounts.
Consult a Financial Advisor and Estate Attorney
If you have a financial advisor and/or an estate attorney, they can help guide you through much of the necessary postmortem administrative work and other processes associated with a spouse’s death. If not, consider hiring one — especially if you have a significant or complicated estate.
You can easily find a local financial advisor or estate attorney online, but you may want to ask your trusted contacts—such as a personal accountant, attorney, or family member—for a recommendation first.
Order Death Certificates
Usually, a funeral home will help you order death certificates. Be sure to order at least 10 certified copies, as you’ll need them to access life insurance payouts and for closing or making changes to financial and utilities accounts. You can also order certified death certificates from your local vital records office(Opens in a new window). There is usually a small fee for certified copies, usually ranging from $10–$30 (cost varies by state).
Understand and Navigate Probate
The legal process that oversees the validation and distribution of a person’s assets after death is called probate. If your spouse had a will, this process should be relatively straightforward. If not, an estate attorney can help clarify it for you.
Usually, the executor of the will is responsible for the majority of the probate process. This includes submitting a death certificate and will to the probate court, contacting beneficiaries, making a list of the person's assets and debts, distributing assets, filing income and estate tax returns (depending on the size of the estate) and petitioning the court to close the estate. If you have a trust in place or a very small estate, you may be able to bypass the probate process, depending on your state's laws.
Address Assets and Liabilities
As part of the probate process, you’ll likely need to provide the court with a list of all your spouse’s assets, including:
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Automobiles owned
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Financial accounts
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Real estate
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Personal belongings like art and jewelry
You’ll also need to account for any liabilities, including a mortgage, car loan and other debts. Keep track of things that were in your spouse’s name, things that were jointly owned and anything that goes to a named beneficiary. Be sure to consult a lawyer to understand what, if any, debts you’re now responsible for and/or what assets now belong to you.
Update Your Estate Documents
You should review and update your will, living trust, and power of attorney (POA) to reflect your spouse’s passing. This may include removing them as a beneficiary, appointing a new successor trustee, or naming someone else as your POA if your spouse was previously listed. To make the process easier, reach out to an estate planning attorney who can guide you through the necessary changes.
Manage Joint Accounts and Finances
If you and your spouse shared financial accounts, you’ll need to have these accounts put into your name. The same goes for utility bills like phone, internet and power, although removing your spouse’s name from these is less urgent than with financial accounts.
Understand Social Security and Pension Benefits
Contact your local Social Security office to find out if you’re eligible for survivor benefits(Opens in a new window). If your spouse had a pension, reach out to their employer for information on how to access these benefits.
Coping with Grief and Emotional Challenges
Grief not only affects our emotions, but it can also take a significant toll on your physical and mental health(Opens in a new window). Be gentle with yourself during this time.
Focus on Self-Care
It’s common to need extra support while you’re grieving. Joining a grief support group, seeing a personal grief counselor or spending time with a loved one who’s experienced a similar loss can help you feel validated and connected to others during a difficult time. If it feels comfortable, consider asking a friend or family member to check in on you periodically or help with tasks you’re finding difficult.
Understand the Difference Between Grief and Depression
While they can look similar, grief and depression(Opens in a new window) are not the same, and it’s important to know the difference.
Grief is a natural response to loss where feelings, emotions and memories tend to ebb and flow, with intense feelings of sadness eventually lessening over time. Major depressive disorder is a chronic psychiatric condition that affects mood, energy, thoughts and behavior. If you’re experiencing frequent or long-term feelings of hopelessness, reach out to your medical provider to be screened for depression.
Taking It One Step at a Time
As you grieve, let your loved ones support you in ways that feel helpful. Ask them to help you with big decisions or arrangements, swing by with a hot meal or find a therapist or support group. This is the time to lean on the people who care about you and are eager to help, so let them know what they can do.
How BrightStar Care® Can Help
BrightStar Care® is here to support your caregiving efforts when a loved one has passed away. Whether you're looking for in-home care services(Opens in a new window) or assisted living(Opens in a new window) for your loved one or a reliable medical staffing(Opens in a new window) partner for your organization, our experienced local care team members are ready to help. Find a location(Opens in a new window) near you, contact us(Opens in a new window) online or call 866-618-7827 to learn more about how BrightStar Care® offers A Higher Standard®.