Honoring your Mother
Mother’s Day is upon us again, a time to honor and celebrate our moms. When we were children, this holiday was simple, as we happily strung macaroni on necklaces or scribbled flowers on construction paper cards, anticipating our mothers’ delight at these simple gifts. As adults, of course, things get more complicated. If you are someone whose mother is among the over three million women in the United States with dementia, it can be an especially emotional and challenging holiday. You may be dreading Mother’s Day, or confused about how to celebrate with your mother, given the physical and personality changes she has experienced because of her disease. You can still make the most of the day, though, with a little creativity. We have some suggestions for celebrating Mother’s Day with dementia.
Address Your Feelings
Before Mother’s Day, face your feelings of sadness and loss. It can be hard, realizing that your mother is not who she used to be, especially if she has trouble recognizing you. Talk about these feelings, either with a counselor or with friends who understand you, and get the extra support you need. Then, look for something new to do with your mother, so that you don’t risk bringing up memories that could stir up negative emotions that may feel traumatic.
Focus on the Positive
While the changes happening to your mother may feel overwhelming, you can still find a way to make this day one of gratitude and positivity. Take the opportunity to thank the people who provide you and your mother with support, sending thankful notes to let them know how much you appreciate them. Take some time to express your gratitude to your spouse and family members, and consider a small gift or heartfelt note for people like caregivers, therapists, family friends, nurses, doctors, or clergy who have provided meaningful support to your family. Your mother may not be able to express appreciation for these people on her own, so honor her at Mother’s Day by expressing it for her. Not only will this make the people around you feel valued, but research shows that being grateful can improve your mental, physical, and relational well-being. Looking for things to be grateful about can help you stay positive, reduce your anxiety, and find a way to be happy despite the turbulence of this time in your life.
Spend the Day Together
How you do this will depend on your mother’s stage of dementia, but it’s important to focus on your mom’s needs, and preferences, appreciating her for who she still is. Take some time to honor her by telling a sweet story about her to your friends and family members, remembering that you may be the only one to pass her stories on to the next generation. You will also benefit from thinking about positive memories of your mom. Then think carefully about the gift you give her; it could be that one of the following options would be meaningful.
- Flowers: If you are buying her flowers, consider choosing a bouquet of flowers that have a strong scent, like roses, freesia, or peonies. Scents can trigger powerful memories, so you might also think about buying her a bottle of her favorite perfume.
- Food: Eating together is often a part of family celebrations, and if your mother has lost her appetite or often forgets to eat, a favorite meal might help encourage her. Make something special, bake some bread, or make her favorite cookies, to tempt her, and you may help her keep up her energy.
- Music: Like scent, music can evoke memories, transporting people to a different time or place in life. Music has also been shown to lift the spirits of those with dementia, so play your mom some of her favorite music and dance or sing with her.
- Manicure: Rather than taking your mother out for a manicure, do it yourself, or give her a hand massage. Sitting quietly with your mother, holding her hands, and massaging soothing cream into her frail skin will be a peaceful moment for both of you.
Keep it Simple
People with dementia benefit from sticking to their normal routine. Consider your mom’s feelings as you plan the day, steering clear of any situations that would make her uncomfortable, like crowds or unfamiliar places. A simple celebration at home, where she is comfortable, might be the perfect option, and if she lives in a care facility, you might want to join in activities the facility has planned. Keep gifts safe and practical, choosing things that will be useful for your mom, rather than a burden.
The Right Care for Mom
At BrightStar Care of Jupiter/Martin County, we know that caring for someone with dementia can be challenging. That’s why we work hard to deliver the right care for older people and to be a partner their loved ones can turn to for support. Because we believe that caring is more than just a job, our nurses, therapists, CNAs, and caregivers offer the most professional compassionate care available. Our experienced dementia care staff members have undergone extensive background checks, and follow our proprietary, science-backed Alzheimer's and Dementia Care Path. This gives them the training they need to understand and manage dementia-specific behaviors and recognize changes in your loved one’s condition, so that they can provide the individualizes support needed for a live of dignity and purpose. In the comforting, familiar surroundings of home, we offer a full range of care services to meet your loved one’s needs and help you when you need it most. Visit our website to apply now or call 561-741-1200 to learn more about joining the BrightStar Care family.